Birmingham Post

Howdy. Well, as I said last time I was talking to you good folks, Mayor Mike Whitby, the leader of Birmingham City Council and my bestest pal ever, ordered me, Wilbur Snr, head of strategy in the communications directorate, to go an see some dude called Sir Albert Bore.
Now, it seems that this Sir Bore guy is a high-ranking Labor Democrat who dedicates his life to showing Mayor Mike no respect at all. Course, down where I come from folks like that would be tarred and feathered an' run out of town. We cain't be putting up with no Demcorats. But I guess you English are too laid back for that kind of thing.
Anyways, as I think I mentioned last time, this Sir Bore he ain't too well and spends most of his time in hospital. Mayor Mike tells me Sir Bore is some kind of brain box, claims to be a nooklear physicist, whatever that is.

As an official of the Lichfield, Sutton and Tamworth branch of the Campaign for Real Ale, I consider it one of the truths of the 21st century that the bigger the television screen, the worse the pub.
Fortunes spent on plasma screens, Sky subscriptions and bad keg beer/lager invariably mean less interest taken in the quality of what's on offer; pack 'em in, get 'em legless and take their money - that seems to be the motto.

After a not too traumatic journey through the Middle East, I finally arrived in China.
Mmm, China.
So much has been written and said about this supposed economic paradise for the West, I thought it would be worthwhile to check it out.
On landing at Beijing International Airport (huge – and still growing) I walked the line through the mass of people carrying various name plates.
After negotiating the clipboard wielding masses – not unlike some latter day walk of shame - I headed out into the cold light of day and the grey skies above.

China is huge, that I knew, but I wasn't quite prepared for my visit to Tiananmen Square.
A mere eight minutes or so on the excellent metro system and only two grid squares on my map away from my hotel.
But about an hour and half’s walk back.
And then when you get there, the scale of the square is quite simply staggering. It's bigger than Merry Hill and Birmingham city centre combined.
And then some.

I was talking to a couple of Chinese people the other day and was told I had a Mao head.
Is this a good thing? I had my doubts, although according to official Chinese Communist Party doctrine the chairman was right 70 per cent of the time and wrong 30 per cent of the time.

An important part of Chinese business culture is the social interaction and personal relationships built up, I’ve been told.
These relationships are often developed over dinner, and it’s here where negotiations can be sealed or lost.
So it was with a little trepidation I went to a business banquet the other day.

When in Rome you do as the Romans do, but when you come to China, you have to go to the wall.
Or not, if you are a member of the West Bromwich Albion football team. Famously, the team visited China in 1978 – the first English professional team to visit the country after it opened to the west. But some of its members didn’t fancy a trip around the landmark – one even remarked: “When you’ve seen one wall, you’ve seen them all.”

There's no stopping the publicity machine promoting the amazing successes of Mirza Ahmad, Birmingham City Council's irrepressible chief legal officer.
The council website has an entire page devoted to the achievements of Mirza, who recently won a place in the UK's Inaugural Muslim Power 100 league.

there's four pairs of tickets on the door for Sunday night's sold-out gig by the fab Newton Faulkner. If you want a pair, drop an email to billymilk@mac.com and we'll sort it. first come first served....

It was on my sixth day in China that I met my first pop star.
Walking through Beijing Airport I noticed a bit of a commotion going on and went to investigate.
I saw a group of around 200 people, mainly young girls aged in their 20s, waiting patiently behind a piece of green string.

Having arrived in Nanjing after a long flight I was a little peckish – but ending up with 11 kebabs was probably going a bit far.
After a long journey and a bit of sleep, I decided to take a look at the streets below.
By below, I mean really below – my hotel room on the 46th floor looks down on quite a few cranes from above.
Determined not to have room service or eat in the hotel (although I’m sure it’s very nice) I set off onto the streets.

In a way, the City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra are like the city’s rapid reaction force.
Bear with me on this one.
Six crack members of the CBSO were scrambled from their base at Symphony Hall in the early hours of Saturday.

The question was, would they play Revolution?
The head of Nanjing Automobile Corporation’s MG division is a big Beatles fan I was told, and so it was arranged for a Fab Four tribute band to play at the carmaker’s 60th anniversary concert.
Which is how the Upbeat Beatles came to belt out a few songs at the Concert Hall of Nanjing Art College.

Who would be a taxi driver in China?
You may get to drive like a maniac through the traffic in your green VW, but it has some serious
downsides.
If the pollution doesn’t get you, the cyclists will - and then you have to find the destination in a
landscape that changes by the day.

Pictionary – play it at least three times a week – that’s what you need to do if you want to hone your shopping skills for China.
Walking around one of the markets yesterday, I went into a shoe shop.
I only went in because a couple of the shop assistants were standing outside singing something or other, so I thought it might be a bit more interesting than the others.

By the time anyone anywhere reads this I will probably be flying somewhere over Iran (help).
But as it is my final blog from the People’s Republic of China, I thought I would sum up a few of my findings.

1: It is absolutely, utterly, scarily huge. I know this sounds like a statement of the blinding obvious, but it only really hits you when you walk around the place or stand in the middle of Tiananmen Square. Think big, think bigger, think biggest, but even then you are not even close.

A blow – literally – for Birmingham businessman John James who, in an unfortunate incident in Portugal, while on one of his many holidays, was accosted in his bed by a burglar.
Smacked him over the head and stole his money – winnings on the horses at Cheltenham.

Can you believe that this man is a leading Birmingham businessman and runs Moseley rugby club?
Just look at the state of him.

Nigel Dawkins' triumph in leading the successful opposition against Tesco's attempt to sell alcohol in Bournville reminded a packed house at the licensing sub-committee just how much the Birmingham City Council cabinet is missing a politician of rare ability.