By the time anyone anywhere reads this I will probably be flying somewhere over Iran (help).
But as it is my final blog from the People’s Republic of China, I thought I would sum up a few of my findings.
1: It is absolutely, utterly, scarily huge. I know this sounds like a statement of the blinding obvious, but it only really hits you when you walk around the place or stand in the middle of Tiananmen Square. Think big, think bigger, think biggest, but even then you are not even close.
2: It’s seriously strange – but then why shouldn’t it be? It is after all a much older society than ours, it has had the influence of communism, and is on the other side of the world.
Yes there are Starbucks and McDonald's here, but the lesson of history is that China tends to assimilate invaders and make them Chinese.
Won’t be long until the Mcseaslug burger then.
3: Banquets – are they necessary, do they help clinch business, are they banquets at all?
Firstly, where I come from, when you have a banquet it means you have to lie down for a week afterwards otherwise you explode like Mr Creosote at the end of Monty Python's Meaning of Life. Here they don’t.
Are they important? Well, a general rule of thumb would probably be, if your client thinks they are, then they must be.
But they are not always necessary, and sometimes the Chinese may be playing up to appearances.
4: It’s not that communist any more. It is a one party state and you have to watch yourself, but I think I heard socialism mentioned once and the C word never.
Everyone wants to get rich, quick, and go and buy the latest electronic gizmo.
5: The people are great, genuine and friendly or maybe I’ve been duped on some epic scale (not the first time).
Their grasp of English is amazing, especially the children, so we are all doomed.
6: Or maybe not. The Chinese need us as much as we need them. They
are good at making things, but we are better at inventing them. They have an enormous hunger for British design and manufacturing excellence.
They are much cheaper than us, but it doesn’t mean we have to give up.
7: There are much less bicycles in Beijing than that stupid boring singer Katie Melua rambled on about. But she was relying on clichés.
This is such a huge and diverse place, and although I’ve only been to three places, I know the clichés should be consigned to the bin.
To generalise about China will show you up, but alas that’s what I’m trying to do.
8: Always walk around with a smile and if you get riled (which you may) try not to breathe in too deeply – the smog will only hurt your throat.
9: Wherever you are in the world, a group of Brummies will always find a curry house. I went to the Punjab and it was pretty good, although it is debateable whether it’s worth the taxi ride from Broad Street, to be honest.
10: Maybe China should work out some sort of marketing slogan for the whole country (or maybe they have and I’ve completely missed it.) Something like “China –
1.4 billion people can’t be wrong.”
Watch out for it at the Olympics.
Anyway, I’m signing off now and heading to the
airport. Wonder which pop star I’ll meet today……