Here's a Bright exposure of what actually happened on a Skinbags Airways jaunt to Murcia in Spain.
The not very pretty sights on tour took in PR guru Andy Skinner, the host, film mogul and man about town John James, society photographer Tony Flanagan and Bright's vicar on earth John Duckers, Birmingham Post business editor. Much improved by Skinner's partner, the lovely Angela.
The couple have got a very nice holiday pad in Murcia ... except it's now been trashed. Far too much drink, far too much gluttony.
An uneventful flight over enlivened by JJ purchasing Champagne launched the trip nicely.
There followed a stop/start 20 minute hire car journey from the airport, with Skinner hitting the brakes every time JJ's mobile phone went off – the ring tone is of a cop car in full flow with siren wailing.
The Skinner Estate complete with shared pool is however really rather impressive.
Until you put Duckers and Flanagan in the same room when all you get is a snore fest.
Flanagan brings lots of slap-on potions and lotions which at least keeps the smell down a bit.
Both he and JJ are olive within minutes of sunbathing starting. Not so Duckers.
Duckers is your typical Brit abroad.
He has spent £13 re-soling and re-heeling his favourite sandals when he could probably have bought three new pairs for the price.And he skips from patch of shade to patch of shade in a desperate bid to preserve his sensitive skin, a line of sweat following in his wake as the mid-day heat takes its toll.
Yuch.
A stop at a beach bar for a near six-hour session of sangria and swordfish is topped off by a swim in the sea.
The re-emergence from the water of Skinner and James is really pretty gruesome. Not quite Ursula Andress, although they do appear to have developed boobs.
Duckers wallowed in the waves for a while but there was a no show from Flanagan, who took these pictures.
The authorities insisted Duckers and Flanagan couldn't enter the water together in case a tsunami swamped Morocco.
The Skinner mansion has more locks than Fort Knox which Duckers discovered to his cost on being 'abandoned' in his bedroom as the rest prepared to head out for another night on the razzle. However, the unfortunate hack, quickly getting an inkling of what it must have been like for Terry Waite, was eventually released after a couple of minutes, wimpering, shaking and pleading for daylight.
Naturally, JJ was as boastful as ever – it is thought the four days the trip lasted was the longest he has gone without sex in years. He has now taken to advertising, with a T-shirt stating: "I may not be perfect but parts of me are fantastic."And bravo to Angela for putting up with us – the gal does a mean paella.
Highlight of the trip goes to the beach bar waiter on whom Skinner had been practising his improving Spanish.
"You want the William?" he asks.
Blank looks all round.
"The bill?"
Oh yeah, very good.
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Still on the booze, I get ticked off by PR babe Jane Grant concerning her millionaire bloke Stuart.
Glad to hear that the lad was in good form at the recent Press Ball in Birmingham incidentally.
Seemingly he has taken my story about his gin palace yacht being anchored off Antigua for the Cricket World Cup in good grace.
With just one proviso.
Apparently we should have described it as a rum palace. Bright apologises for this unfortunate error.
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Bad weather played havoc with the John Bright Trophy tournament this week as snorkels came out amongst the crowd.
However M Duck, playing for No 5 Chambers, enjoyed the wet conditions, waddling in with two wickets, a quacking return.
But there was a major surprise in the one fixture played in Birmingham’s corporate cricket competition.
Batting on a gloomy Tuesday evening in fast-deteriorating light, No 5 Chambers captain Abdul Hafeez attempting another of his regal trademark drives was clean-bowled for 22 by an awkward off-cutter that kept low delivered by Ernst & Young’s Ian Best.
The ex-Worcestershire batsman seemed to have spent the three previous summers undefeated reaching the competition retirement score of 35 against allcomers. Trophy regulars tried in vain to remember anyone else dismissing Hafeez in the tournament sponsored by fund managers Williams de Broe.
Earlier in more favourable batting conditions, the accountants scored a formidable 165/7 inspired by No 3 Andy McAvan’s cavalier undefeated 35, which included some thunderous lofted drives. He was well supported by James Raine (35 rtd) and Simon O’Neill (30) and the barristers chambers were never in the hunt replying with 105/9 in their 16 eight-ball overs..
Sadly on Wednesday, the key game between the barristers of St Philips Chambers and the West Bromwich Building Society was rained off. A sunny Thursday morning proved deceptive with the rains returning to Britannic Park forcing the postponement of DTZ’s match against tournament newcomers Martineau Johnson. Maybe they could have still played each other reviving the once popular game of office cricket as they are both based in the same building at No 1 Colmore Square.
John Bright Trophy – Week 2
Tues May 8: Ernst & Young 165/7 in 16 overs (A McAvan 35 ret, J Raine 35 rtd, S O’Neill 30, M Duck 2-12) No 5 Chambers 105/9 in 16 overs (A Hafeez, 22, M Brett 2-5, J Raine 1-6). Ernst & Young won by 60 runs.