The opening ceremony for the Chamberlain Square beach was held in the Shakespeare Memorial Room, in order to escape from the inclement weather.
Iron Angle has acquired the text of a speech given by Birmingham City Council leader Mike Whitby:
"Once more unto the beach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the breakwater with our Brummie dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest knotted-hankies and humility:
But when the blast of the BBC big screen blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the shark;
Stiffen the windbreaks, summon up the plastic macs,
Disguise the sand sandwiches with hard-favour'd rage;
Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;
Let pry through the portage of the head
Like the surfboards; let the brow o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as doth a seagull
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.
Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the Birmingham rock and bend up every deckchair
To his full height. On, on, you noblest Brummies.
Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!
Fathers that, like so many Whitbys,
Have in these parts from morn till even fought
And scoffed their candy floss for lack of argument:
Dishonour not your mothers; now attest
That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.
Be copy now to men of grosser blood,
And teach them how to dig sandcastles. And you, good yeoman,
Whose limbs were made in Birmingham
When we had a manufacturing industry, show us here
The mettle of your pasture; let us swear
That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not;
For there is none of you so mean and base (journalists excepted),
That hath not driving rain in your eyes.
I see you stand like donkeys in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Whitby, Birmingham, and Saint James North!' "
Exeunt. Alarum, and unfurling of umbrellas.
(With apologies to William Shakespeare and Henry V)
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An Iron Angle competition. Can anyone name a single scrutiny exercise currently being undertaken by Birmingham City Council?
The scrutiny section, under the dead hand of Selly Oak Lib Dem councillor Alistair Dow, has all but collapsed. The dour Dow, who once famously said that Birmingham didn't require prestige projects, is astonishing even the Tory half of the coalition by setting himself against inquiring into anything remotely controversial.
You might think that such inaction would rather suit the Conservatives. Well, in a way it does. But there are limits.
Council leader Mike Whitby is beginning to get a little edgy. He would like to see at least a token effort by scrutiny to delve into policy areas, even if the subsequent reports confirm what a splendid job his administration is doing.
Whitby has even taken to suggesting to Dow areas that might usefully be scrutinised.
How about this?
* The performance and use of the Birmingham W1 office in London.
* Implementation of single status and equal pay among the council workforce.
* What passes for the council's communications strategy.
That should do for starters.