Birmingham's new Walk of Stars, due to receive its first celebrity induction this week, is just the sort of PR stunt that leaves the city open to ridicule
Aston's most infamous son, Ozzy Osbourne, will be the first star to be immortalised when the ageing Prince of Darkness unveils a brass plaque dedicated to his honour in Broad Street.
More stars will follow in the future, creating a trail along the city's brashest thoroughfare in a pitiful attempt to ape Hollywood's Walk of Stars.
Tinsel Town might have Frank Sinatra, Bob Hope, Elvis and Lassie but its Broad Street rival will be able to pick from an enviable line-up including Nigel Mansell and Spit the Dog, the canine puppet of Birmingham-made Tiswas fame.
The whole idea of a Brummie Walk of Stars is hideous. It is trashy, crass in the extreme – and totally inspired.
Think of it like eating lambs' sweetbreads: you either love a mouthful of pancreas or you don't. Personally, I am a big fan and believe Birmingham's "hide-behind-your-hands-it's-soooo-embarrassing" celebration of stardom is so bad and cringeworthy, it's brilliant.
In recent years, the Broad Street environs and its sister developments have become synonymous with the city's attempt to re-invent itself as a hip, happening place. Sure, mention you live in Birmingham and most people tend to say "Why?" rather than an unironic "How nice" but things are changing.
Ask an outsider to name something connected with Birmingham and they are more likely to cite the UFO-style Selfridges store than the Crossroads Motel. You may, of course, think this doesn't necessarily mark progress.
But even for those who whole-heartedly embrace the new Brum, the suspicion remains that much of it is a little too clinical, a touch over-styled.
The superbly naff Walk of Stars is the perfect antidote to all this fluff, mocking the designer boutiques, those over-priced (and too often mediocre) restaurants, the identikit modern office buildings and ubiquitous "lifestyle" apartments decked out in red and black and bonsai.
What a refreshing change then to remind people of Birmingham's gritty past, featuring the good, the bad and the ugly – otherwise known as the nominations list for the Walk of Stars.
The panel drawing up the selection has kept faith with that noble Brummie tradition of appropriating anything half-decent from the Black Country. So in addition to Cat Deeley (Sutton Coldfield) and Tony Hancock (Hall Green), the Birmingham Walk of Stars contenders include Slade's Noddy Holder (Walsall), Led Zeppelin's Robert Plant (West Bromwich), Lenny Henry (Dudley) and Julie Walters (Smethwick).
On the flip-side, stunning omissions include Rusty Lee, Benny and Miss Diane.
Right out in front as the second star(s) likely to follow in Ozzy's slipper prints are those gorgeous 80s big girls' blouses, Duran Duran. Formed in 1978 at Broad Street's Rum Runner club, the bouffant wild boys have so far received a poptastic 24,445 votes with a rating of 9.9 out of 10.
Bringing up the rear are The Archers, the world's longest running radio soap, which is recorded in Birmingham. Eddie Grundy et al had only picked up 306 votes the last time I looked. However, their rating of 6.3 trounced Ms Deeley's 5.4, even though the American Idol host attracted 150 more votes than the Ambridge crusties.
Confused? That's all part of the attraction of the world's worst – therefore greatest – walk of fame.
Forget Hollywood – it's "Hurrah for Chelmsley Wood."
Comments (11)
Hello everybody, my name is Daniel, and I'm glad to join your community,
Wish to assist as far as possible.
__________________________
first of all - Make love, not war! )) and the second - my modest plavix )))
Posted by Dan(lazy)Honnet | April 3, 2008 9:34 AM
Posted on April 3, 2008 09:34
Hello everybody, my name is Daniel, and I'm glad to join your conmunity,
Wish to assist as far as possible.
Posted by Dan(lazy)Honnet | March 25, 2008 2:13 PM
Posted on March 25, 2008 14:13
Hello everybody, my name is Damion, and I'm glad to join your conmunity,
and wish to assit as far as possible.
Posted by DamionKutaeff | March 23, 2008 2:50 PM
Posted on March 23, 2008 14:50
And thanks for breaking it to me gently about big bird doing bird!! Yngwie xx
Posted by Yngwie Malmsteen | July 9, 2007 9:21 PM
Posted on July 9, 2007 21:21
I really wish people would learn to spell and use correct grammar in their rantings.
Posted by Yngwie Malmsteen | July 9, 2007 9:19 PM
Posted on July 9, 2007 21:19
OH DEAR
do you people live in birmingham
what do you want... people to not try and bring in tourists.
i went to see the star today and a school class was there a part of modern day history she told her class.
you waffle on about irony when the only irony is this blog
look yes attack the ****s who spray on walls and destroy the good hard work of others.
the ones who smash things up and damage this city and thats city wide by the way.
get real steps you have taken YOU..so its not a city push then ..its just YOU no one else can have a go to try
well list on here the magic YOU have done the HISTORY making steps you talk of.
I keep my tower block clean thats my aim and i try hard thats what i do and i only live in here i,m not the caretaker i just wanna help.
P.S the yellow bus to london costs £12 return if i was you get a one way ticket..and stay there ..
Posted by S.A.T.O | July 9, 2007 8:31 PM
Posted on July 9, 2007 20:31
Luke Sambone, I think you're getting mixed up with the film Stir Crazy, where Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor got arrested after an armed robbery by two men wearing bird outfits.
And they didn't even do it! It was such a miscarriage of justice.
And the way they treated Wilder in prison was terrible.
Wait a minute... wasn't Richard Pryor on the Muppets once? Oh my God .. maybe it WAS him after all.
He's dead now though.
Posted by steve x | July 9, 2007 2:11 PM
Posted on July 9, 2007 14:11
The best thing about Broad St is it keeps a certain, shall we say, mind set in one specific location so it can't pollute the rest of the city. It always amuses me how the promotional activities for Broad St really play into this with, I suspect, no irony involved at all. Witness the marvelous "Broad Street Rocks" posters. In a city with a significant amount of good designers it makes perfect sense that Broad Street would ignore them all and throw something together in Word. Not to mention that the Rock quotient of Broad St is pretty low.
Posted by Pete Ashton | July 5, 2007 9:20 PM
Posted on July 5, 2007 21:20
Well i am a lifelong Brummie and i agree completely with the initial article. The only plus side to this crass, tacky and downright embarrasing publicity stunt is that it will sit so comfortably on Broad St. It's not about "slagging of Birmingham". I care enough about this city to be upset by mindless stunts like this that only serve to diminish the possitive steps forward that we've taken over the last few years.
Posted by Stuart Whipps | July 5, 2007 6:33 PM
Posted on July 5, 2007 18:33
YEP,,open to idiot comments from a muppett who sits down and slags birmingham off.. do you write for the post or do you just take the money and write bad things about this wonderfull city get real speak up to give this city any positive comment instead of sounding like a cockney .. i love birmingham im not an ozzy fan but fair play to all involved in bringing a highlight to brum. if its ozzy duran duran jasper who ever i dont care the fact that its here will do for me and lets get on board with this.. doesnt hollywood have big bird on the walk of fame and the guy who wore that bird suit is now doing bird..6 years for armed robbery..do they care
Posted by LUKE SAMBONE sato | July 4, 2007 6:14 AM
Posted on July 4, 2007 06:14
The real mistake of course is not having it in Hollywood (B14)
Posted by bounder | July 3, 2007 2:39 PM
Posted on July 3, 2007 14:39