A tale of two visits to Rome. My sympathies to Birmingham Chamber pair John Lamb and Tony Bell, and Lamb's partner Lisa Kennedy, plus two kids, for what must have been something of a nightmare.
It apparently went a bit like this . . .
They should have taken off from East Midlands Airport at 6am on Friday last week but the plane was delayed by bad weather. When it was cleared to go it was found it would have arrived in Rome just in time for an Italian air traffic control strike – so after sitting on the Ryanair flight for 45 minutes, it was cancelled.
This was about 1.15pm.
And Lamb's humour was not helped by being full of the cold. It seems the little band of travellers then returned to Meriden – from whence they had started at 2am.
Early afternoon they travelled to Stansted and caught another flight at 6-ish arriving in Rome at around 11.15pm – some 20 hrs after they had started out.
Because the flight was changed to Stansted they did not arrive back in the UK until late Sunday evening and then had to drive back to Brum.
They didn't get in until around 4am.
So out of the 50 hours from the time they started to the time they arrived home – they spent some 30 travelling.
Still, they visited the Coliseum and St Peter's Square where the Pope "had an audience" with Bell, or so he says. In fact the Pontiff was high up on his balcony blessing the faithful.
They also took in the Trevi Fountain in which Bell failed to throw any coins. "Got no change, mate."
And so a rubbish time was had by all.
Yet just a week before it was all systems go for Birmingham's Headline Communications who headed off to the city for their annual Christmas bash.
I hear partner Phil Parkin more or less behaved himself having been warned not to lean against any old statues.
Highlight of the trip was Chris Tomlinson, husband-to-be of Headline's Dawn Roberts – they are due to get hitched next year after setting a record for living together – who bought a plastic megaphone off a street trader.
Presumably to use to shout at Dawn. Either that or keep the staff in check at media company WAA in Sutton Coldfield where he works.
The burger king, Chris Howard, couldn't find any of his staple diet with only one McDonald's spotted all trip.
This forced him into eating pizza, so his diet is now shaping up to be – Monday, burgers; Tuesday, pizza; Wednesday, burgers; Thursday, pizza; Friday, burgers; Saturday, curried burgers and pizza; Sunday, roast burgers and pizza.
Otherwise, Rome turned out to be all culture – which must have come as quite a shock to the Headline team. They, too, visited the Trevi Fountain, and also took in the Coliseum, Pantheon and Palentine.
And they have returned all cultured out and looking forward to a plastic Christmas.
How touching.
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Chris Lea didn't let a pulled calf muscle prevent him from completing the sporting challenge of a lifetime.
The Stoford director fought back the pain to reach the finish line in the New York Marathon, even though this meant hobbling the last four miles.
Despite his injury, Chris was so encouraged and inspired by the huge crowds and the thrilling setting that he plans to pound the streets of the Big Apple again next year.
His five-hour battle – his first marathon – raised more than £12,000 for the Prostate Cancer and Breakthrough Breast Cancer charities.
"The experience was amazing and I had a wonderful day – and as a result I will be back next year to do the job properly," said Chris.
"I also aim to run in the London Marathon next year and hope that my efforts will inspire others."
Don't do it, Bright pleads. You're far too old, mate.
Get those slippers on and doze in front of the TV with a half drunk can of lager – much safer.
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As is traditional in the Bright column we offer a wider read to the annual Legal Business magazine Christmas quiz.
It likes to dig deep into the murkier end of the legal profession, mostly the antics of Londoners.
“2007 has seen lawyers earn more than ever with partners regularly taking home more than £1 million,” says Legal Business editor James Baxter.
“Our quiz seems to suggest that morality levels in the legal profession are directly linked to earnings, with one decreasing as the other increases.”
So here goes . . .
A female partner at which top City firm was relocated to Asia after being caught having a threesome with two trainees in the office?
Which leading City partner took time off to save his marriage after discovering his wife was having an affair with a Premiership footballer?
Two secretaries at which Magic Circle firm had a fight over the attentions of a partner at a deal completion party? One allegedly hit the other with a bottle of Champagne, causing her to swallow her chewing gum and end up in hospital.
Which mid-tier London law firm employs an assistant who had an affair with a leading client? The client’s wife supposedly rang up the firm’s managing partner to halt the liaison by threatening to withdraw instructions.
Which Magic Circle firm fired a trainee after they were sick on a partner at a Christmas dinner?
Which leading real estate partner was so tired of waiting for a cab at a property shindig in Cannes that he hailed a hooker, asked her to drive him back to his hotel, paid her for the lift and then told her to leave?
Which London-based partner bedded an assistant he had hired earlier that day after taking her out for ‘celebratory’ drinks? The next day the assistant felt so guilty for being unfaithful to her boyfriend that she quit before she had even officially joined the firm.
The lawyers at which London law firm have been conducting an affair so publicly that other members of staff have to ask permission from their respective secretaries before they enter their offices?
Legal Business says the Christmas Quiz has been going for 14 years – libel free to date.
Let's hope it stays that way!
Answers are never revealed but speculation is encouraged.
Of course, nothing like this ever happens in the Midlands.